Well. This is all abit pants!

As you now know that before I had my son Alfie, I wouldn't think twice about going out dressed in next to nothing. It's no wonder that I was constantly ill with chest infections and the like. However, you always know best when your young.
The way I portray myself may not come across in a good way on my part, but in all fairness I didn't ever sleep around. I was just a fun-loving girl who was proud of her body and very expressionate of her feminimity. I was a new age hippy if you like. I was in love with music, partying, meeting new people and just having fun.

Some of the things I used to wear however. People used to give me some right funny looks and I used to love it! I loved being different. It made me feel good about myself to be abit risque and stand out from the crowd. I look back now and although I have some great memories, my chosen attire from back in them days made me look like I was auditioning for the Circus.

I remember them days. So free. I didn't have to think of how to hide all my lumps and bumps. Getting dressed to go out was such a simple walk in the park. I use to own lots of cute little thongs which I would team with my outfits. I felt so free. I would never have to wear them big Bridget Jones' style pants!Not me!Never!
Oh how things change...

So Ive been through the whole having a baby, sleepless nights, getting back to some kind of normality, getting obsessed about the gym and then not bothering because it's nearly christmas yadda yadda milarky and I am now, well, Im just me again. Im the normal me inside my head again as I've settled into my role as a parent now. I do things single-handedly without even thinking whereas before I couldn't even carry Alfie downstairs for the first few weeks for fear of falling and dropping him. (How irrational? I mean, the last time I fell over without being drunk was when I was a child) My point is, im starting to feel like me again but, guess what? My body isn't the old me. It's the new, post baby me even though it looks like an older version of me because im, well, lets say gravity hasn't been kind to my body.
I never, ever thought I would say this but this whole story is another point to why I have changed as a mummy. I WEAR BIG PANTS! They are an absolute godsend. They take inches off of my waist and make me look slimmer in my LBD.
I do not care anymore if I can't get into my little cute french knickers. (Well I can get into them with a shoehorn but they don't look too crash hot!) As for the whole physical side of my relationship well I've come to the conclusion that If my body isn't appreciated for what it's been through then that's really not my problem.
ALL HAIL THE BRIDGET JONES'S!!!

Damn! I can't go out dressed in my underwear anymore!

When you used to go out clubbing wearing little more than your underwear, nothing quite prepares you for the post baby wardrobe nightmares!Please don't judge me for being scantily clad and shallow because becoming a mummy has taught me that beauty really only is skin deep.

The main question is why do I feel under so much pressure to become beautiful and thin so quickly after my son's birth back in September? (06/09/09)
More to the point, is skinny really beautiful anyway?

When I first found out I was expecting, one of my main worries was how it would change my body. A little shallow and somewhat self-obsessed but I am not going to lie!I would stand looking at my body in the mirror wondering when I would start to 'show' and what I was going to look like? I had visions of becoming Nora Batty over night, waking up with curlers and a hair net on and a big bloated tum covered in unsightly stretch marks!YUK!

As my body started to grow, i started to GLOW! (Alleged high blood pressure!) I actually felt GOOD!My lady bumps looked more pert and fuller and my hair was glossy and thick... Wow! I could do this again! I started being really confident about what I wore. I was pregnant during the warmer months so i bought loads of lovely dresses and flip flops and enjoyed it!

After about 7 months though, I wanted to DIE! My feet resembled those of a small elephant, my face was swollen, my back hurt, my boobs were like two watermelons stuck to my body, I now knew what it was like to have 'bingo wings', and all my lovely, bump friendly summer clothes were TOO TIGHT!

I became sad, miserable and obsessed about the way I looked. I refused to spend money on more clothes as it was getting so close to the due date so in the last few weeks i lived in my fiances trackies and sweated and whinged my way through the heat wave of a summer (typical!the year im preggers, we have amazing weather!)
When I finally had Alfie 10 days after his due date by emergency c section (I won't go into details, it was quite scary) I did not give a damn! The feeling of becoming a mummy was so overwhelming and amazing and beautiful! I did the whole crying thing when i first saw him (mainly because of relief!)
Needless to say I took to motherhood like a duck to water.

NOW!I am on juggling journey! I am trying my best to be a good mummy. Yet I am also trying to be myself too! I know for sure one thing I have learned. I am not the same girl from before. I couldn't care less if i never get into my sparkly denim hot pants ever again (infact ive thrown the buggers out!) I would feel odd dressed that way now Im a mummy (Don't ask me why, i just don't know)
However! I still want to be YUMMY! I still want to be able to turn heads to make me feel good about myself (believe me you notice when it stops happening!) Im not asking to be like I was before but just to find the new me!